She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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