Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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