just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
