Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Quick, to the slutcave!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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