Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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