in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
