Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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