Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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