Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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