so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
