a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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