Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
