did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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