I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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