y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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