just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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