i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
