Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
