capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
