last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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