yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
