Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
