Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
