The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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