If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
