so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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