I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
