Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
