you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
