He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
