i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
