I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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