Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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