i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
