She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Four minutes until I can fart!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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