it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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