i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
