I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am naked and annoyed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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