Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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