No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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