there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
