Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
