Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
