Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
