I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
