SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
