i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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