you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
