(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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