Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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