I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
