Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
