so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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