Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
