just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
