Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
