I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i think i have herpe
just one?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
