How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
