i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can you bring me the toilet please
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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