Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
