When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
They took my balls.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
