um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I understand Curling. That high.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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