32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
