You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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