VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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