i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
