He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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