Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
