You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
