At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
