I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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