so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
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