i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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