If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so let's talk penis.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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